Saturday, June 5

A bit of history for you

Heres a comment i just posted on someones website, they were talking about drepession etc.

"Hum, there is more to life than sex....

And thats just the start of the fall. Problem with relationships is that people want them for different reasons. Some people just want a compainion whom you can enjoy stuff with. Everything is so much better when there is someone else there to enjoy it too!

Now about the drepression.... This is a long scary subject which now, im sure im one of the most experinced people in the UK to talk on it. WHY?, well because i had acne and so was eventually prescribed some really strong drugs, so strong infact that they small warning leaflet that came with them had a warning, "blah blah may cause death"... Now thinking about it, thats truely scary.

Anyway, these drugs were mega drepessants. At first i didn't notice and difference, but its when i look back (it was over a year ago now) i relise that i was just getting lower and lower. I didn't notice as it wasn't effecting me in ways i expected. But i became very very drepressed. But my acne cleared up and i stopped taking them (prematurly too). Appently i should of gone to the doctors alot afterwards to check i wasn't falling into drepression (but i was so drepressed that i didn't care at the time).

I lost my sex drive, i just wanted to sit in my bedroom all day and do nothing else, i would eat maybe one meal a day, i wouldn't sleep, maybe a hour anight, i would stay up all night on irc (internet relay chat) talking to people about my problems... i would wake up very early and continue to talk to them, some nights i wouldn't go to bed at all. i was falling into some kind of dream world where nothing mattered. I then quit college, 3days from the end of the first year. I had already given up inside, as it was the wrong course for me, but this made it offical.

Weeks past as i was just as low as ever, we went on holiday and i still can't remmber any of it, i just remmber not caring. It was like i was dreaming constantly. (i think this would be a side effect of the drug, but not sure still). At the end of the holiday i decided i needed to go back to college, and to work out what i was going to do.

I decided to do multimedia as i knew loads of people already doing it. THings started to look up but still i had this dark cloud hanging over me. Towards the end of the first year, it go worse. I wanted to quit college, i really really didn't care. Anything would be better. I finally went to the doctor and they eventually gave me some antidrepessants..

They did their job, but they did it too well, when before i was in a dreamstate which had no feelings at all, i was now in a dreamstate where every feeling was multiplyed 1000x over. I made my self happy by thinking happy thoughts, but some times, it would creap back, espeically late at night, the darkness would remind me of the place i used to hide with no feeling.
For about 3months i took the drugs, i should of taken them for 6 appently, one day i just flipped and decided i had to stop. They were scaring me, they were making me into someone i wasn't. I took the drugs, smashed them up and threw them down the drain.

My point? Feelings are normal, but sometimes they get too strong. We can get help and it DOES work. But sometimes the help we get can be worse than fixing our problems ourselfs.
If anyone ever takes antidrepressen's i wish you good luck and warn you to be very careful. Make sure you have someone close you can talk to, someone who will notice when its going too far.

And in the end, you ARE in control.


Damn its a long comment eh? Its just part of my long dark history :)

Mood: Fuzzy
Currently Listening to: Virgin Radio - Football, rock and roll (Now playing Bon Jovi)
Word of the day: Cabbage

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