Thursday, September 16

So Alone...

Last night was just like any other night, except for one thing, one small thought which was slowly swelling inside my mind.... At first i didn't realise what it was. Then it happened, the end came. The moment we all wait for, the deciding point, the final happening.

And so it was, for the pub we all headed, a slience over us all, a unwritten promise signed by all, promising to return, to finish it one day. Where were we headed? Into the next part of our lifes, in the next level, except the people we had known for so many years, ones that supported us, and even ones we never really reacted with, some we disliked and some we never knew. They all head off into the night, to start a new life, and i am left behind.

Its this time you finally realise, that you really do care about your mates, about your friends, you suddenly realise that those things you never said, you should of, you should of listened when they need you, and be there. But now the times gone, gone into the past and we now live in a new age.

So everyone i've known in the last 3 years is now going to university or some form of higher education, some of my mates will still be around, but most have gone, far far away. Ill be starting at university, finally doing the type of thing i have dreamed about doing for so many years. And yet, it scares me, it scares me more than going to college, more than going to school, more than the day that i started in the 2nd year of school and we started doing indiviual work. Why it scares me? Because im taking no one with me, for the first time ever, im starting something new and i know NO one there. no one at all.
This must be the same idea going through other peoples minds, for one, there is Jen, last night she suggested that she would be trying to get a house in january, i didn't belive it at first, everyone has these ideas which never become realitys, but this was different. She took my phone number for a start, she never takes personal infomation. Weirdest reaction was of her boyfriend who claimed she was "drunk" but i know for sure she wasn't, and my girlfriend who also spoke to her agrees. (* jen never spoke to me before, let alone amy *).

So now theres only a few of us left, me, jen, hayley, and Richard Smith... Smithy is going back to university somewhere, not sure where or to do what, but i see him around quite alot. Jen and hayley? well, they have known each other from tile hill, no doubt they will be sticking together (they are doing the same course i think too.... ?) and that leaves me.... im going to do a course where i know no one, its time for a new start, something different but something exciting. I wont say im "scared" but nevous and slightly ancious too, its a BIG change im undergoing now, and it wont be easy, but im prepared, in mind and in body.

Ill try and keep in contact in jen and hayley, at least then i will know someone... Also i of course have Amy too and hope that she will find someone she can get to know, not to replace nina, but as someone extra, another friend.... Maybe kirsten? HOPEFULLY Kirsten.

Will Amy want to live with me? i have a feeling if i was going to be in a house with Jen, she would, because it would worry her. I wish she wouldn't worry, she has no reason to.
Weather or not its a good idea i really dont know? It would be great to say "oh im going to live with my girlfriend" and it prob works for many many people, but im not many people, for a start i've never lived away from home, i've only once stayed away from home (twice actually) which was disney land and norfolk.... both times was more like a holiday instead of living arrangements. Basicly me and amy have never lived together in proper circumstances, and i've never really lived alone, i dont want to lose Amy, especially because i've made a stupid mistake of trying to rush moving in and such...

I will be taking my time, thinking this over and over.. and still, it might not ever actually happen anyway.....

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Tuesday, September 7


Kirsten will do what she wants, she, of all people, should. But at the same time, i watch in the background, in the shadows, making sure she is ok.

Her dad is clamping down on who she can "go out" with. I really dont understand this, then again, i dont understand why they wont let her goto the colly either. I went, for over a year, EVERY damn thursday. Then finally oneday, i realised how bad it actually was becoming *(yes, i still say it was ok for awhile)* and stopped going.

Everyone rebels to some extent. Its a fact of life, it proves that we have the intellegence to make a choice and decide to do something, which isn't built in, which is a choice. The fact that her dad is telling her who she can and can't go out with, means, by default that she will do the opposite. Not because she wants to disobey her dad, but because her brain tells her that she must do this to prove her own self worth.

I see my self as a pretty balanced person, whos intouch with my interself, but even i do this , without meaning to and sometimes definatly not knowing i am. Its strange how much our brain controls us without us knowing it.

Sorry there is no links, im tired.

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Monday, September 6

Laptop for sale!

I have a laptop now for sale.

Hi all

You might remember awhile back i brought a laptop with the intention
of installing Linux on it and running it as a test rig for me. Sadly i
neither had the time, nor energy to get this project started.

Also it seems i killed the laptop to some extent. How ever, it did
cost me over £200 and i would, if i can, like to make some of this
cost back.

Would anyone be interested in buying a working, but not in usable
state laptop?. I believe that all you need is either a laptop adapter
which works with it, so you can install a operating system (i believe
this is what the guy that sold me did) or buy a floppy drive for it,
so you can access the BIOS etc. (Costing approx £30, but i only found
one website stocking them, and they were out of stock).

I would love to be able to hand it over to some one to mess around
with, and leave it with them, them paying me if they could get it
working (on a basis of trust) but i can't currently do this. (my mum
would kill me for deff.). So instead I'm trying to sell it, hopefully
so it can be used for something.

I think its approx a 133mhz, with 4gig hard drive. If anyone is
interested then i will get exact details etc.

As for cost, i have no idea what its worth. Only thing i can go by is
ebay, which is pretty unrealible anyway. I guess i would be happy if i
got even £100 for it.

Cheers all,
Tim Bowers.

P.S. It came with 98 working on it fine, i happened to format the
drive, and it led to this long story of distaster.

Smiley - Tim Bowers -

Mood: Grumpy
Currently Listening to: Noisy fan.
Word of the day: Red Devil!

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