Thursday, September 16

So Alone...

Last night was just like any other night, except for one thing, one small thought which was slowly swelling inside my mind.... At first i didn't realise what it was. Then it happened, the end came. The moment we all wait for, the deciding point, the final happening.

And so it was, for the pub we all headed, a slience over us all, a unwritten promise signed by all, promising to return, to finish it one day. Where were we headed? Into the next part of our lifes, in the next level, except the people we had known for so many years, ones that supported us, and even ones we never really reacted with, some we disliked and some we never knew. They all head off into the night, to start a new life, and i am left behind.

Its this time you finally realise, that you really do care about your mates, about your friends, you suddenly realise that those things you never said, you should of, you should of listened when they need you, and be there. But now the times gone, gone into the past and we now live in a new age.

So everyone i've known in the last 3 years is now going to university or some form of higher education, some of my mates will still be around, but most have gone, far far away. Ill be starting at university, finally doing the type of thing i have dreamed about doing for so many years. And yet, it scares me, it scares me more than going to college, more than going to school, more than the day that i started in the 2nd year of school and we started doing indiviual work. Why it scares me? Because im taking no one with me, for the first time ever, im starting something new and i know NO one there. no one at all.
This must be the same idea going through other peoples minds, for one, there is Jen, last night she suggested that she would be trying to get a house in january, i didn't belive it at first, everyone has these ideas which never become realitys, but this was different. She took my phone number for a start, she never takes personal infomation. Weirdest reaction was of her boyfriend who claimed she was "drunk" but i know for sure she wasn't, and my girlfriend who also spoke to her agrees. (* jen never spoke to me before, let alone amy *).

So now theres only a few of us left, me, jen, hayley, and Richard Smith... Smithy is going back to university somewhere, not sure where or to do what, but i see him around quite alot. Jen and hayley? well, they have known each other from tile hill, no doubt they will be sticking together (they are doing the same course i think too.... ?) and that leaves me.... im going to do a course where i know no one, its time for a new start, something different but something exciting. I wont say im "scared" but nevous and slightly ancious too, its a BIG change im undergoing now, and it wont be easy, but im prepared, in mind and in body.

Ill try and keep in contact in jen and hayley, at least then i will know someone... Also i of course have Amy too and hope that she will find someone she can get to know, not to replace nina, but as someone extra, another friend.... Maybe kirsten? HOPEFULLY Kirsten.

Will Amy want to live with me? i have a feeling if i was going to be in a house with Jen, she would, because it would worry her. I wish she wouldn't worry, she has no reason to.
Weather or not its a good idea i really dont know? It would be great to say "oh im going to live with my girlfriend" and it prob works for many many people, but im not many people, for a start i've never lived away from home, i've only once stayed away from home (twice actually) which was disney land and norfolk.... both times was more like a holiday instead of living arrangements. Basicly me and amy have never lived together in proper circumstances, and i've never really lived alone, i dont want to lose Amy, especially because i've made a stupid mistake of trying to rush moving in and such...

I will be taking my time, thinking this over and over.. and still, it might not ever actually happen anyway.....

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1 comment:

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