Thursday, December 21

Christmas shopping finally finished!

Right so, the christmas shopping is all finished.

Except for the fact i think i only picked up 4 presents for Amy so far. Which is not GOOD! Not good at all. However tomorrow I shall be dropping by my flat to pick up my fluoxtine box and then head off to my parents house, a mile or so away.
Normally this would be an easy journey, even if i dont take it often enough (Its not like they visit me every week either...) however if you've been keeping up with the news in the Uk currently, the entire of my home town, Coventry, is currently covered in a thick scary fog.
So, a long trek awaits me as soon as i decide im ready to undertake the peril!.

For those that know me truely well, will know of my various problems, one of which is how i really dont enjoy leaving the comfort and safety of my flat. This is for reasons which i can't explain easily, but the best way is that i dont like the pubic, they are random and scary at times. This coupled with the idea that i could get my self into trouble leads me to tend to stay in my room as much as possible.

After talking with my psychologist last week, she asked me if i had ever had a time when i was trapped, and unable to escape. At the time i couldn't think of any, as my mind is generally a blur of so many thoughts, recalling anything is a task i dont undertake easily. However, a few hours or few days later (i forget time so easily.) i remember when i was younger of a time when i was trapped.

I was with my parents, and another few people, most likely my parents friends and their kids. We were at some indoor show type thing, and strangely i remember that chitty chitty bang bang was on display, and you could have a photo taken for some stupid amount of money like £15. The memories are very vague even after pondering the situation for awhile, but i know there was some sort of indoor funfair with a teacups ride, the one where the cups spin in one direction, and the whole ride turns in the opposite direction, making you feel utterly sick.
We all (about 4 of us, all kids i think) jumped on this ride, and the first time it was very much fun, so i decided i wished to ride again. I jumpped back on the ride after queuing, and for some reason no one else joined me. At first i felt find with this idea, i mean how scary can a ride be on its own? I dont know exactly what happened next, i might of banged my head, or just got scared, but by the time the ride stopped i was so scared.

The memories are still blurry but as i write, more comes back to me, i also remember there being some kind of hall of mirrors, and a sort of virtual reality machine as well. I queued up for this but at some point had some sort of panic attack and couldn't face going on it. I also remember clearly my brother going on some sort of gyroscope which span him in all sorts of directions at the same time.

Isn't it strange how the past can effect you so strongly in the future? I still have a strong dislike of fairgrounds and fairground rides, which i normally hide with stupid excuses such as my glasses might come off when im riding, or that i dont think its safe.

And now, now i just spend so much time on my xbox, how much time? Well my live eye answers that quite easily : Live eye

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